who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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