dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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