if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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