Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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