a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
