Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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