zippers are such a cool invention
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
