Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
