4 words: hood of his car
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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