I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize