i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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