ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
