You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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