sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
