I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
