I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
