Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
