Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
