can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize