i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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