I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
