Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
