I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
