When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
