yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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