He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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