Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
