I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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