Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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