I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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