the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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