Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I intend to get homeless drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
