I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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