Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
