You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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