It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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