he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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