I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
