I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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