Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize