that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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