i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
