If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
