you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
