so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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