I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
