I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
