I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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