I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
