I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
