Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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