I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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