At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
