Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
