i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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