Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
