Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
