Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
MIDGETS
????
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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