Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, he came in my armpit
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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