oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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