I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize