and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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