Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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